Being Home.

My desk has been reorganized a few times. I have become obsessed with Knolling. And the most interaction I’ve had with actual people is at Costco to get dog food, chicken breasts and M&Ms (the candy is for my wife). Basically, I’ve become a hardcore home body. Thanks Covid-19.

I’ve always been somewhat of a home body, being introverted and anxious, especially in social settings, has allowed me to be comfortable not leaving the house. I also like being home because it is comfortable. My stuff is here. About every other week I’d get the urge to get out. That’s when we’d usually make our way to the bookstore and other shopping destinations. No social interaction required. Now I’m flat out scared to leave the house and be around other people. I would love to go to the bookstore—if we had the place to ourselves. Target? Too many non-mask wearing assholes. Sorry, if you don’t wear a mask you are being somewhat of an asshole. 

I’m even uncomfortable going out to shoot. Partly because I don’t want to run into any people and partly because motivation is hard to come by these days. I have taken so few photos I had to reacquaint myself with my camera to take my photos for my son and his girlfriend’s engagement. Luckily it came back to me.

I have taken up writing more. In a notebook. I try to fill a few pages each day. But most days I only cover a page or two. Nothing formal, nothing good. Just writing to hopefully get better at it and to give my head someplace to expand and then empty. I hope to try my hand at poetry.

I know I’m not alone. The YouTube videos and podcasts I devour all seem to reflect on the collective angst created by being smart and staying home as much as possible. Everyone is a little lost, a little tired and very frustrated. But being stuck at home is better than being stuck in an ICU bed.

I need to get outside more to shoot. Even if I visit the same locations, the creative act of taking photos would do wonders for my head. I’m becoming a bit nutty being home this much. I’m a big believer in the phrase “input - output.” What probably worries me the most is how much good input I have and how little output there is. I spend a good portion of my day gathering and ingesting amazing input. But it leads to nothing. Zero. If I stop looking for input, will my creativity die? Will I stop being who I am?