The hard “things” in life.

Do you ever wonder why life seems to just suck sometimes? I’m not talking about the occasional headache or bad day. I’m talking about the bad weeks, months, years or the single events that cut right through your very being leaving behind a scar and set of memories that will keep that scar fresh. I wonder why more than I care to, and I’m wondering why today. Again.

I’m not claiming to have the corner on bad things happening to people. I know that there are those that are far worse off than I am. To many, unfortunately, my “bad things” would be a relief or a break in their lives. But I still can’t ignore what goes on in my life – and if I had the ability to help make their lives better, I would. We all would. Although I don’t act it always…I’m Buddhist and I truly believe that our purpose is to have compassion for all beings and do what we can to help others to be without suffering.

So the reason for my pouring out of my heart here is this: my son Enzo and I adopted a cat, “Chet” from the Humane Society on Saturday. Chet is a 5-year-old, 17.5-pound, male cat that we both fell in love with. We brought him home Saturday afternoon and we’ll be taking him back this morning. Chet is sick. And by sick I mean the vet does not know what’s wrong with his liver kind of sick. He is running a low-grade fever, hasn’t eaten or drank anything, and has lost 2 pounds (of which I’m assuming didn’t happen here since I don’t know when they weighed him at the shelter). Antibiotics are first, then more expensive guesses. It’s not just about the money - I do have a heart - but reality has to come into play at some point.

To my point…after the trip to the vet yesterday it became very clear that this sweet cat that I’ve known for 3 days is going to require more care and cost me more money than I’m able to give him. I mention 3 days, let me throw this in as well: of those 3 days we’ve had Chet, I’m estimating we’ve had maybe 30 minutes of time with him. He’s been hiding a lot. The vet says because he is sick. The “behavior” people at the shelter say it’s because he’s new to our house. (These are the same behavior people that suggested I put a litter box on every floor of my house.)

My son and I made the decision to take Chet back to the Humane Society. We know he’s not a pair of jeans that don’t fit right. We know that we made a decision to take care of him when we adopted him. But we didn’t know we were bringing home a sick cat. We don’t know what is wrong with him or if his behavior will change for the better or worse. We went to the Humane Society to adopt a cat that would be a part of our lives. Not one that will in three days hide and cost $300+ and will more than likely cost a lot more.

Part of me feels so bad for taking him back. I’m not that naïve, I know what will happen to Chet. But I can hope that they do attempt to make him better (they’re getting the antibiotics I bought). Part of me is upset with the Humane Society for letting us adopt a sick cat. Especially since they knew that obese cats tend to have health issues, specifically liver issues. But I have to do what is right for us and for Chet. The part that is tearing me up the most is seeing the hurt this is causing my son. He’s not that naïve either and he has a huge loving heart but this is really going to leave one of his first scares life will present to him.

I’m sorry Chet. I’m so very, very, sorry I could not do more for you. And I’m so very sorry Enzo that you have to deal with his sadness and lose. These things, some small and some big, that life throws at us don’t get easier – but know this in your very being, I will always do my best to ease the hurt and make the memories good ones.

This hard thing, this event in our lives, will be with us forever. We will always think about Chet and his big sagging belly and his loud purring. I don’t know what kind of home he came from but I hope these 3+ days he had with us, in our home and in our hearts, were happy days that will help him through the next hard thing life has to offer him. I hope you are without suffering my little friend. We love you.