Fuel.

Have you ever wondered what fuels you? Not like a good breakfast or those 6 Red Bulls you have every day. No…more like what gets you motivated and energized. I was feeling very unmotivated a while back and asked myself that very question. So being the “fixer” type, I took some time to really think about my answer.

Sure, these things are “no-brainers” and seem to be common sense. I didn’t uncover anything new or unexpected. So why in the world am I posting close to 1200 words to my site? I’ll explain soon.

So here’s my list of what “fuels” me:

music: I grew up with music on all the time (I had my own transistor radio as I took my first steps). I usually have music on and when I don’t I can really feel the difference in how I see things and in my mood. I always have headphones ready to be deployed and I should use them more often. I don’t use them that often because I think I need to hear what’s going on around me. I realize now that what is going on around me isn’t all that important unless it adds to my day. Hello headphones.

creativity/movement: This may really seem obvious being that I’m a designer and an educator. But by writing it down and really thinking about it – it solidifies the importance of creativity.

Keeping my eyes open and my mind primed is so vital in keeping me moving forward. Seems silly, right? Maybe so but I know I personally dip into a funk if I’m not keeping my brain running at a higher rpm. I think the only time I’m not doing something is when I’m sleeping.

I find myself needing to be drawing, painting, building, reading, watching or just listening. Maybe I’ll just go walk around or lately I’ll get the longboard out for a ride. Whatever it is, I seem to need to be always moving in some fashion.

seeing/learning/hearing new: I need to get out and breathe new air from time to time. As much as I love to travel, just driving to a different part of town or sitting someplace new at work can really wake me up. When I do have the opportunity to really travel I spend as little time in the hotel as possible.

I love meeting new people but my crazy anxiety really makes that a challenge. I try but usually wind up hugging the wall or sticking to people I know. That’s something I’m always working on. So if you see me – do me a huge favor and come over and say “hi”. I’d appreciate it.

New ideas really fuel me – even when they are someone else’s ideas. My friend Steve is working on some sweet projects. Just talking to him about what he’s got going on energizes me to push harder on my projects. (Thanks for sharing Steve!) Getting something new into my head is like a shot of caffeine (which is nice since I can’t have caffeine – stupid stomach).

New music is like crack to me. I’m always seeking it out. My tastes are very eclectic (excluding country and folk). In any given day I might my playlist might range from jazz to hip-hop, hardcore to opera or metal to who know what.

One of my goals is to learn how to DJ. I’m not talking about playing records for people at a wedding. No – I want to learn how to mix, and create. I have no plans on actually doing this in public or as a job but I want to learn how. (See, never stand still.)

structure + order: Let me start this one off by stating that I am not a clean freak – nor do I have OCD (not that either of those conditions are bad). What I’m referring to is basic structure and organization of my life and surroundings.

I have perfected the art of creating clutter. And it drives me crazy. So now I make a conscious effort to minimize, simplify and keep things in their places.

Using various tools/apps to keep me where I need to be helps too. By putting everything into my phone I wind up saving so much time. I also use apps/tools to sync my bookmarks, contacts and the like together so I always have what I need with me.

Along with being tidy and organized I really try to be conscious of how I’m spending my time. I guess you could say I try to have purpose in what I do. I might be watching TV or working on a project – doesn’t matter – whatever it is, I try to give it my full attention. If I’m being lazy then that’s what I want to be doing at the point in time – not just being lazy to avoid doing something else.

I’ve wasted so much of my life wanting to do this or that. It makes me sick thinking of all the things I could have experienced in life if I had only gotten off my ass and did them. So now I either do it or put the “want” to rest for good. Which leads into the next item…

growth: I hope we all want to grow as individuals but I’m sure we all know a few people that seem very content living in their personal boxes. As I mentioned before, I have crazy anxiety that has gotten and still gets in my way of experiencing life. The meds suck for anxiety/depression so I go hand-to-hand everyday with it just to keep myself out of any of those boxes.

My friend Jeff stopped attending events out of a sense of duty. Awesome approach Jeff! Attending events because “I should” is a thing of the past. I attend what I want to attend and then I tend to really enjoy it. If there is nothing to be gained from something, why waste your time with it? That may seem very closed-minded but life is short (and I believe in reincarnation).

Forward momentum is what I’m working towards. Keeping the flow going and the “moss” to a minimum. It’s a battle sometimes to make the time or prioritize things right to ensure the momentum isn’t lost. As long as it is honest and genuine momentum and I’m not forcing it – the battle will be worth fighting.

You might be asking yourself why in the world did I write this? That’s easy, I did it for me. I did it so I would hold myself to these goals and ideas. Writing it down wasn’t enough – I had to make it public. I feel when I keep something inside it does one of two things: it rolls around and makes a mess of things or it becomes a snag that everything else gets caught on causing a stop in my forward momentum. So there it is. Thanks for taking the time.

Be good.

The hard “things” in life.

Do you ever wonder why life seems to just suck sometimes? I’m not talking about the occasional headache or bad day. I’m talking about the bad weeks, months, years or the single events that cut right through your very being leaving behind a scar and set of memories that will keep that scar fresh. I wonder why more than I care to, and I’m wondering why today. Again.

I’m not claiming to have the corner on bad things happening to people. I know that there are those that are far worse off than I am. To many, unfortunately, my “bad things” would be a relief or a break in their lives. But I still can’t ignore what goes on in my life – and if I had the ability to help make their lives better, I would. We all would. Although I don’t act it always…I’m Buddhist and I truly believe that our purpose is to have compassion for all beings and do what we can to help others to be without suffering.

So the reason for my pouring out of my heart here is this: my son Enzo and I adopted a cat, “Chet” from the Humane Society on Saturday. Chet is a 5-year-old, 17.5-pound, male cat that we both fell in love with. We brought him home Saturday afternoon and we’ll be taking him back this morning. Chet is sick. And by sick I mean the vet does not know what’s wrong with his liver kind of sick. He is running a low-grade fever, hasn’t eaten or drank anything, and has lost 2 pounds (of which I’m assuming didn’t happen here since I don’t know when they weighed him at the shelter). Antibiotics are first, then more expensive guesses. It’s not just about the money - I do have a heart - but reality has to come into play at some point.

To my point…after the trip to the vet yesterday it became very clear that this sweet cat that I’ve known for 3 days is going to require more care and cost me more money than I’m able to give him. I mention 3 days, let me throw this in as well: of those 3 days we’ve had Chet, I’m estimating we’ve had maybe 30 minutes of time with him. He’s been hiding a lot. The vet says because he is sick. The “behavior” people at the shelter say it’s because he’s new to our house. (These are the same behavior people that suggested I put a litter box on every floor of my house.)

My son and I made the decision to take Chet back to the Humane Society. We know he’s not a pair of jeans that don’t fit right. We know that we made a decision to take care of him when we adopted him. But we didn’t know we were bringing home a sick cat. We don’t know what is wrong with him or if his behavior will change for the better or worse. We went to the Humane Society to adopt a cat that would be a part of our lives. Not one that will in three days hide and cost $300+ and will more than likely cost a lot more.

Part of me feels so bad for taking him back. I’m not that naïve, I know what will happen to Chet. But I can hope that they do attempt to make him better (they’re getting the antibiotics I bought). Part of me is upset with the Humane Society for letting us adopt a sick cat. Especially since they knew that obese cats tend to have health issues, specifically liver issues. But I have to do what is right for us and for Chet. The part that is tearing me up the most is seeing the hurt this is causing my son. He’s not that naïve either and he has a huge loving heart but this is really going to leave one of his first scares life will present to him.

I’m sorry Chet. I’m so very, very, sorry I could not do more for you. And I’m so very sorry Enzo that you have to deal with his sadness and lose. These things, some small and some big, that life throws at us don’t get easier – but know this in your very being, I will always do my best to ease the hurt and make the memories good ones.

This hard thing, this event in our lives, will be with us forever. We will always think about Chet and his big sagging belly and his loud purring. I don’t know what kind of home he came from but I hope these 3+ days he had with us, in our home and in our hearts, were happy days that will help him through the next hard thing life has to offer him. I hope you are without suffering my little friend. We love you.

Night Longboarding

My son and I went longboarding tonight. I say “tonight” because it was dark by the time we got to the trail we ride. We knew it would be dark and went prepared. I purchased a set of three Brinkmann 5 LED Headlights from Home Depot. These were super cheap ($16.00) and came with batteries. I took the head straps off and used a Velcro strap - the kind you’d use to wrap cables together with - and strapped the light to our helmets through the front vent holes. I then took another Velcro strap (where would we be without Velcro?) and pulled it through the back vent holes in my helmet and attached a tail light from my mountain biking days. Cheap, easy and safe(r).

Longboarding at night is a blast. First, the trail was practically empty except for a couple of bikers and a lone runner (that my son almost ran into since he was dressed in black and had no illumination whatsoever).  Second, it was quiet. So quiet you could hear the local four-legged residence of the trail getting ready for the night hunt. Third, it was a perfect way to wind down from a day and spend some time with my son.Which is always a great thing.

Next up: the cold. Longboarding this Winter. Stay tuned.